Christian Life 7 - On Prayer, Part One

 In previous posts I have been compelled to disclaim my own expertise in a variety of areas.  It is now more vital than ever that I do so.  While this blog has looked at my personal spiritual journey over the course of the preceding 40 years, from here on out I shall be focusing on a path of that journey on which I have trodden for less than a month.  If this particular level of enlightenment has a post-graduate level, then I am currently enrolled in Pre-K.

We shall look deeper into the matters discussed in my last couple of posts, but first, some amplification regarding my continued references to East v. West.  As I have stated several times now, I have recently found myself thwarted in my progression by an apparent lack of teachers.  It seems I have climbed as far as I could by following the spiritual guides I could conveniently find, and have of late been looking for new teachers.  Ironically, my search for new teachers has led me to some very old teachers.  Having recently received a book on C.S. Lewis as a birthday gift, I have begun reading his works more fervently than before.  This led to reading, in turn, his favorite teachers - George MacDonald and G.K. Chesterton.  From there, I kept going backward.  Before long, I was reading Eusebius, Polycarp, Origen, Clement and the like.  By the time I had arrived here (c. 300-500CE), things were beginning to get muddled in my head.  These writers seemed to take for granted that their readers would accept such concepts as martyrdom and asceticism as parts of their daily existence, words that I had to look up in a dictionary the first time I heard them.  Certainly something has changed in Christendom over the last two millennia.

I have always believed that, if one finds oneself on the wrong road, the quickest way forward is to turn back to the last fork and see where one made one's first wrong step.  In this case, I found that the first wrong step may have been, in fact, a very right step: the conversion of Constantine in 312 CE.  This was the moment at which Christianity was first propelled on its trajectory to becoming a global phenomenon.  Unfortunately, since Constantine was first and foremost a Roman Emperor, his Conventions of Bishops (most especially the ones at Nicea beginning in 325CE) made sure that Christianity would, going forth, be a peculiarly Roman religion with its emphasis on stoicism, skepticism and, especially,  epicureanism.  For both better and worse, what had been born in the East was to grow and mature in the West.  We've been living with the repercussions of this decision ever since.

My walk down this trail started about 4 years ago following two separate conversations I had that coalesced into an epiphany in my mind.  No, I take that back.  It actually started a year before.  At that time, my job involved long periods of tedium during which I was wont to fall asleep.  To ward off the boredom, I took up reading far more prolifically than before.  Among the books that I took off my shelf to tote to the jobsite was a series that had been owned by my grandmother - the Daily Bible Study Series by William Barclay.  At that point, I was very much a believer in Christianity, but my faith had lapsed into a period of deism.  Reading Barclay's work reinvigorated my faith and, for the first time in a long time, I returned to regular church attendance.  As this effort continues, I am obliged to point out that Barclay's is very much a scholarly treatise.  I hope that, while grateful to the path it put me on, I am now moving beyond the merely scholastic.

But, then, the two conversations.  About four years ago, I was chatting with a sister on the telephone (I have two).  The topic of conversation was prayer.  I admitted that my prayer life was a bit wan.  It was very difficult to find the time for anything like effective prayer.  As the conversation proceeded, I realized aloud that I was in the habit of awaking early each morning and playing Solitaire on my home computer while sipping coffee for the first hour of each day.  This would make an excellent time for prayer.

My prayers were at this point largely ineffective.  I could never seem to maintain concentration for more than a moment or two before my mind started racing with a variety of thoughts, none too prayerful.  Then, I had my second conversation.  This one was with my beloved.  Actually, it was hardly a conversation, and, indeed, it was not announced as such.  One day, my bride said, "we need to talk."  If that wasn't scary enough, she followed it with, "no, I need to talk.  You need to listen."  She had my full attention!  She told me that I had of late become so wrothful that I had become impossible to live with, that, while she had no idea what the source of my anger may be, I needed to take steps to correct it if I intended to continue living in her house.  I conceded that I, too, had noticed a good deal of animosity in myself, that I had no idea from whence it came nor any ideas how to fix it.  She didn't care; just fix it.

I considered a number of options and, for various reasons, dismissed them one by one.  I finally settled on improving my prayer life.  Perhaps I could find a way to pray myself into calmness.  I knew and knew of a number of people who attributed their apparent peace of mind to prayer.  Perhaps I could learn to join their ranks.

I've just looked back on this treatise and found that it is rather lengthy and when I started typing, this was to serve as the introduction to my subject.  I have decided, then, to divide my thoughts on prayer into two parts.  Since I am typing for an audience of one at this point, and I know I'm never going to sit and read all that, I see no reason to tarry further.

Pax