Christian Life 6 - On Bullies

Throughout this blog, I have continuously iterated what I believe is the need to approach Christianity, or any philosophy, intellectually.  I have also made a few comments that would seem to contradict this idea; to wit, that reasoning has it's limits, that pride gets in the way of everything, and that eastern philosophies - including Christianity - have been tainted by Western thought.  In this essay, I will begin the process of trying to explain these seeming incongruities, and the convergence commences, oddly enough, by looking at the concept of bullying.

Before even that, however, I must reiterate a point I have made so often throughout this blog: I am not a trained psychologist.  I took one 3-hour course in psychology in college in which I made a B.  Of the professional psychologists and psychotherapists I have known, I didn't even like most of them, much less trust their learned opinions.  What is to follow are simply the observations of one man who spent the first fifteen years of his life growing up in a bully's house, and those bullies with whom I have enjoyed contact since.

Everybody knows what a bully is.  In grade school, you were either a bully, a bully's lackey, or a bully's victim.  Everyone recognizes a bully upon encountering one.  But, what exactly is it about a person that makes him/her a bully?  Why does a bully bully?  I submit that bullying is the result of a mental evolution, that there are no "born bullies,"  although the propensity may indeed be inherited.  What follows is how I assume a bully evolves.

At some point, a child ponders the question of what traits are required for someone to make a good leader.  This pondering is most likely done subconsciously although it may be conscious, perhaps alone, perhaps under tutelage.  Either way, having enumerated the personality traits required for strong leadership, the bully-to-be takes an inventory and finds that him/herself coincidentally displays all of those traits in abundance (absent from this collection is empathy; more on this later).  At this stage it is critical to note that, to the bully, this conclusion is not a matter of conceit but one of conviction.  We have already reached beyond the possibility of question or doubt.  Whatever opinion the bully holds on any given topic is understood to be correct merely because it is the bully's opinion.  No further justification is needed.

The only issue left to face the bully is that of the other people roaming the world.  While a few exceptions may exist, the overwhelming majority of people the would-be bully encounters seemingly fail to understand or appreciate his/her superior capacity for leadership.  The great task before our bully, then, is to convince the world to submit to the bully's authority.  After all, if one is a born leader, then the remaining population will surely benefit from following said leadership.  The bully then develops a number of weapons in his/her arsenal to be used as needed to win the day, for it is also a hallmark of a bullying mentality that life is a competition, and one proof of a great leader identified by the bully is continuously winning that competition.

1. CHARM - The easiest weapon to use to subjugate others is to simply be charming.  People will more likely follow someone they like and enjoy being around.  The bully will usually develop an acute sense of humor (although the bully's preferred jokes will normally be of a derogatory nature, putting others down and reinforcing the bully's superiority).  For the middle school bully, charm is particularly effective on parents, teachers and other authoritative adults who have yet to be "conquered" when trying to convince them to look away and allow the bully to continue their bullying behavior amongst their classmates.

2. RHETORIC - If someone cannot be beguiled into compliance by the bully's charm, they can often be argued into it.  Under the belief that "he who speaks last wins the argument," a bully will develop the ability to continue a debate until his/her interlocutor concedes a point through sheer exhaustion.  In the case of a theological bully, this may take the form of whipping out a litany of Bible verses - ripped completely free of their context - to support the argument.  Keep in mind as well that the bully will speak with conviction (he/she is already convinced of his/her superiority) and will present his/her position with a certain level of (twisted?) logic, merely presenting the points the bully has long since argued within his/her own head that has led to their own conviction of superiority.

3. RAMGAPEOUSNESS - If charm and rhetoric prove insufficient, the bully will not shirk at using violence to get to the top of the heap, usually blaming his/her victims for his/her own outbursts.  It is, after all, the victim's fault for failing to submit to the bully's God-given right to leadership.  This can alternately take the form of mental, spiritual or physical attack, contingent upon the bully's assessment of potential results.

4. ANNIHILATION - When all else fails, the bully is compelled to simply eliminate opposition.  At one end of the spectrum, this could take the form of brutalizing the victim to the extent that the victim transfers to another school, or at least makes a point of never taking classes together.  At the other end, it can take the form of eradicating all Jews from eastern Europe or imprisoning members of the opposition party.  There's actually very little difference between the two, and what difference exists is one of degree, not of kind.

The one thing you cannot do with a bully is convince him that he's a bully.  From his perspective, he's simply following the "natural order of things."  Remember that, to the bully, life is a competition.  Since his/hers is the superior position mentally, physically and spiritually, it is his/her right - nay, their obligation - to force their will on others, often for their own good.  To the bully's mind, he/she is "helping" their neighbors by showing them the inferiority of their positions.  You, as a casual observer, can easily distinguish between this "obligation" and true altruism.  The bully cannot.  The bully may well be quite honest in his/her belief that the world will find itself better off once it ultimately submits to his/her will.

Many years ago, a cousin who had bullied me in our childhood called me from his halfway house following his release from prison.  He was attempting to entice me to come over and hook up his (probably stolen) electronics.  I inquired as to my motivation, citing his bullying tendencies in our youth.  He laughed over the phone line and said, "Well, I was just trying to teach you something."  I responded with "if you were trying to teach me to hate your guts, then consider the lesson successfully learned!" and hung up the phone.  A year or so later, he died from wounds received after returning to prison, no doubt still thinking he had spent his life doing the world a favor by his presence.

This has nothing to do with the point I wish to make in this essay, but, as an interesting aside, do you have any idea what happens to bullies when they grow up?  Do they simply outgrow their bullying tendencies (unless ending up in prison)?  Occasionally yes, but far more often they simply migrate toward careers in which bullying behavior is acceptable and expected such as the military, law enforcement, politics and corporate executiveship.  If left unchecked, the bully will eventually devolve into full-blown megalomania in which the bully seeks complete dictatorship over a large or entire population. SIDE NOTE:  This list is not intended as a slight to everyone in those particular occupations, merely an observance they these are careers in which bullying behavior is not automatically shunned and can, in some instances, be seen as appropriate.

If my assessment of the mental position of a bully is anywhere near correct, then I must point out that each and every one of us has a bully living inside us.  As mentioned in a previous post, the Self exists in three parts - the body, the mind and the soul.  Of the three, the mind is a bully, always trying to control the body and the soul, working on the conviction of its superiority and using the weapons listed above.

The mind treats the body like a well-trained dog, gloating ceaselessly about how "smart" the body is and, in demonstration, having the body perform a series of mindless "tricks" that display in at least equal measure to intelligence, a willing obedience to the mind's whims.  And the body, for its part, will blithefully go along with this charade as long as it is appeased by the occasional "treat" of a beer or donut, political news broadcast or scroll through Facebook or other form of dopamine-inducing erotic titillation.

The soul tends to be somewhat harder to dominate.  The mind will try charm ("Why yes, that is a lovely piece of music") and rhetoric ("We don't have time to enjoy the sunrise. We've got a dozen chores to finish today.  Let's get on with it."), often to no avail.  The soul is not so easily placated as the body.  The soul is convinced (not incorrectly) that the mind lacks the one prerequisite for any good leader: empathy.  So, what does the mind do with this stubborn soul?  One that cannot be charmed, talked or beat into submission?  It annihilates it.  The mind will ultimately convince the body and itself that the soul simply does not exist and is therefore no part of the Self.  Alternately, in the case of religious bullies, the mind can convince itself that it is the soul, thereby relieving itself of that odd, nudging to be still and listen.

This is the most basic premise of Western thought.  There is no soul.  Even among those Westerners who believe in the existence of the soul, that soul is still to be largely ignored.  In Western belief, the bully mind is convinced that the soul has no place in this life, that, if it exists at all, its existence is meant for the next life, not this one.  The thing to do with a soul, if it is assumed one even has a soul, then, is to find a religion whose afterlife teachings one is comfortable adhering to, do whatever that religion teaches regarding ensuring the soul's pleasant existence in said afterlife, then shelving the whole matter for the duration of this life, spending one's time here following the convictions of the bullying mind.  If one continues to participate in a religious life thereafter, that participation is confined to the activities that appeal to the mind and rarely have any further dealings with the soul.  Thus, we deal with the "difficult" sayings of Jesus by interpreting them to mean something with which the mind is comfortable.  "Be perfect" is interpreted to mean "do your best."  "Love one another" is interpreted to exclude Africans or gays or liberals or abortionists or Muslims or Latinos or whatever is the current vogue hate group.

Of all Eastern religions that have taken hold in the West, the three dominates - Judaism, Christianity and Islam - have been largely Westernized, speaking much rhetoric about the soul, but appealing almost exclusively to the body (feelings) and the mind (reasoning).  We have largely forgotten what the soul even is (beyond that part of the consciousness that remains after physical death), much less how to nurture it and why it is the soul that should guide our thoughts and actions in this life, not the mind.

Credit where due - it is the mind that got us to the point of accepting the existence of God, but we must now move beyond the mind to understand the nature of God (and ourselves, for that matter).  And, for that, we'll need to remember the place of the soul within the Self.  And, for that, we'll need a clearer understanding of Eastern thought, to which the next several posts will be dedicated, but here's a morsel of what is to come -

How does one defeat a bully?  How does one fight back?  One doesn't.  To fight a bully is to give him the home field advantage.  Remember that the bully already thinks of life as a competition.  Therefore, the bully is expecting a fight, is accustomed to fighting, and knows far too much about the art of fighting to be taken head on.  As Samuel P. Huntington noted "The West won the world not by the superiority of its ideas or values or religion...but by its superiority in applying organized violence.  Westerners often forget this fact; non-Westerners never do." (Clash of Civilizations and the Remaking of World Order)  What the bully knows nothing about - the area in which the victim may gain dominance - is empathy.  When faced with a bully, one can simply love him, empathize (and sympathize) with him, even embrace him.

The least critical Western reader will quickly see that this method involves the possibility of getting one's ass kicked, and that is true, but when faced with a bully, one cannot hope to win a battle for dominance.  One's only hope is in winning a war of attrition, a concept for which no bully has a defense.  And how does a soul win this war of attrition against the bully mind?  That, gentle reader, is the subject of the next series of posts.

Pax